look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
