Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize