There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize