So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
