yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
