think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
