I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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