On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
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