rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize