My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm both gender and math confused
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
