I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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