I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
