Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
