He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
