i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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