he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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