Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
