Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
