My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
PANTIES FOUND
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