He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize