this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
This is classic penis vs brain.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
