I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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