I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
