I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
