he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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