the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
