I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
