so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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