Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
