I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
