the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize