Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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