you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
