my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
