"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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