so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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