i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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