life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
