You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
