im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
