So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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