When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
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