if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
