He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
