i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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