theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
the raccoons are back...
Randomize