I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
