I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
