K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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