im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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