Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
