..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
