Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize