his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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