haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
