is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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