After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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