First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
