so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
