I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
