i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
