Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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