I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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