Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
