Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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