this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
