you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
