so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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