I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
