He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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