Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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