i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
