note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
