Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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