Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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