so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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