She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
