You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
