plz talk dirty to me
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
