420 ftw
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
