we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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