She announced her abortion via fbk
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize