I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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